disconnect

I swear it took minutes to undo so much work. Finding fatal flaws in the groundwork is so defeating. Too similar to the bullshit of life. Some small error in a master template document that goes and infects every single other offspring document or file or version of what the fuck ever. It's fucked all the way back to the beginning. It never should have been overlooked and I hate the parallels so much it makes me want to throw up and walk away from every bit. Any thing built from that original plan must be changed and it infected all the way to something that of course is so highly visible today. Nobody caught it, it ran off to do it's evil. Now it's up to me to fix it. I have enough of this type of shit to last me a lifetime. Fuck me for somehow finding a way to do this to myself in way too many areas in my life. Focus on the happy? Fine. See what you have in front of you and how great it is? Yeah, I can do that. Whatever. We'll settle up with that bullshit at another time. I have no choice but work through it, piece by piece so that everyone can feel better about it. Meanwhile the waste of my hours and hours of work and time is just one of those things.

I just want to catch one goddamned break. Just one. It's not that much to ask.

At least I am finally in a place where I get a little bit of Whitman. That was the best 15 minutes of my day and it is far from finished. Complex yet eerily paralleled poeticism.

and the dandelions were never the point, it was always the garden.